The ‘Sidechick’ Conundrum

If there were/are any other creatures much more subtle than the serpent that intelligently lured Eve into eating from the tree of good and evil, then one should look no further than SIDECHICKS! As stunningly cunning as monkeys, “these guys can make you forget your name in a split of a second”….said one married man. Side chicks have been around since time in memorial, but per recent studies (personal and corporate), their activities are on the surge in the 21st century. They are not the most decorous but always get the job done, so to say.

A few research questions will do huh? Who are they, and what do they want to achieve? Why do they do what they do? What can be done?

With the issue of who they are, one cannot vividly state who they are, because just like chameleons, they put on different identities at different times based on the situation at hand. If they were Christians, we would say that they are the staunch ones, because they don’t blow hot and cold. They mean what they do and do what they mean leaving no room for lukewarmness.  My observations revealed that, these guys can be likened to “dolphins” with extremely exaggerated feelings! Isn’t it surprising to admit that almost every part of a side chick’s body responds to an external stimulus (the touch of a man)? “My brother, I’ve been married to my wife for close to ten (10) years now and trust me, what this young girl (side chick) has showed me in just a month, is more than enough to merit the treatment meted out to her”….I looked stunned! What happened to your wife? Well, does it mean wives are not doing enough?

Their main aim is as simple as a toothless granny having to take in porridge for breakfast, to win your man over with no apology. They execute this plan with no regrets or whatsoever, but how do you expect them to survive should they feel remorseful? It is an established fact that the eye serves as the most strongest and weakest link of any man, and so as learned and experienced these ladies are, they exploit it by; dressing to kill, showing you a completely different kind of love, talk in a manner that your supposed wife hasn’t spoken in before, after getting you, try every style of sex with you (something your wife has never dreamt of doing), and finally tend to like everything about you, including the exploration of some thematic areas that your wife may perhaps take many years to explore.

If these ladies were researchers, they would have been more qualitative than quantitative and thus adopt the phenomenological approach, where a researcher is interested in WHY (reason behind) something seem to be recurring. For instance, why is Mr. A. always at the drinking spot right after work, and would go home late? Shouldn’t there be a cause? How can a handsome man like this become unhappy in his marriage? So as philanthropic as they are, they get closer, establish rapport with you, and because everything is well planned and rehearsed, execution turns to be inch perfect.

To them it’s a noble profession, since it’s their only way of survival. They are always happy with the ‘side chick’ status, you know why? They feel that assuming full responsibility as ‘wives’ is burdensome and somehow a complete waste of time when you can feign to care for a man and get in few months what a wife will struggle to get in years. Don’t get me wrong, a host of these ladies can be very responsible but always their responsibility is halved, because there’s always a target to reach, a jackpot to hit!

Their motivation always lies in the fact that, there’s always a ‘mugu’ of a man somewhere who they can trap and execute their plans on.

So, who is to be blamed? The side chick, the married man or the wife? It’s a shared blame, but the majority hinges on the married couples! Truth is one, these side chicks will always be there and their activities untampered and unhindered but as to how a beautiful marriage could be ruined by such people, both the husband and the wife are to be blamed. How could you be so careless to the extent of allowing an intruder into your house? There’s an adage that, you can’t prevent the bird from defecating on your head, but you can prevent it from weaving its nest on your head. To wit, one can’t stop a side chick from beholding her husband, but can stop her (side chick) from winning him over.

Some women, before getting married looked the brightest, smartest, attractive, neatest, presentable, caring, dynamic, and intelligent, name it! As soon as you bring them into their permanent abodes, everything changes! Most of the times, they make certain generally held views or assertions factual, especially that assertion people hold of; “they change as soon as you marry them, after all they’ve gotten what they want”. Some look as wretched as wretched could be, wearing unattractive clothes, hairs unkempt, suddenly becomes ‘dumb’, leaving majority of the thinking to the man, lose their spark, and eventually tends to be care-free about what the husband thinks or does. Why won’t a side chick snatch him from your hands when you’ve loosen up what you used to hold firm and dear to your heart? Side chicks are like desert lions, always lurking for flesh, you dare not play close to their lane, and you are a goner!

You claim your husband does not like you anymore, have you checked your dressing, talking, reactions, and most importantly your sexual lifestyle? Some women never learn new ways of doing things. Humans are dynamic creatures and so by being static in your approach, you put them off! Why wouldn’t your husband opt for a side chick if all you know is just one ‘sex style’, the ‘missionary’? Why sit down for this ‘small girl’ to snatch away your husband with novel sex styles when as learned as you are, you can as well go online, learn a few more and save your marriage? You see you’re your own devils sometimes?

And now to the target group, the man! It’s an undisputable fact that your eyes were made to be used to ‘look at things’, but as a married man that function limits to just your lawfully wedded wife that moment you decide to tie yourself down. No man is immune to side chicks, neither is anyone immune to the influence but at least the Bible clearly stipulates that every man’s choice lies in his bowels and not that of another. Have you sat down to think through why your wife looks so wretched and ‘un-nice’ after sometime in the marriage? You think it’s always because she feels she’s gotten what she wants? Before the marriage, you guys may look the most caring, romantic, loving….but what do we see when you marry? As soon as children starts coming, you become bosses (some even before children starts coming). Is that the man she got married to? A boss? Hmmm!!!

Look at this, both of you may close from work, all looking tired, she has to find food for the kids, prepare you something, wash the dishes, bath the kids, wash the kids’ dirty clothes plus yours, while you (boss man) relax on the couch, watch TV and after that go take your bath and wait for her in the bedroom to ‘know her’. Who does that? Can’t you help? How do you expect her to look as ‘sexy’ as you met her when you’ve left everything for her to do? You go about surprising other women, when last did you surprise your wife? Your reason? She’s no longer attractive? Do you know you’re directly responsible to her attractiveness and sexiness? When last did you compliment her, had a chat with her, help her cook, wash, bath the kids, bought new stuffs for her, when??? She’s human just as you are you know, and she’s got feelings!!

Now, the way forward! Madam ‘sidechick’, you know something? There’s always a man out there for every woman, not someone’s man. Being a side chick might be good, but being a wife is ‘better’! How would you feel if same was done to you? Have you assumed yourself in the shoes of the wife before? Maybe you should. You can be a better person….this life may not and is not the ideal life you. Get your man!!

To the married couples, don’t go about adopting displacement as a defense mechanism whenever such issues rise. You’re the ones doing yourselves. Marriage is sacred, a tale of two different worlds having agreed to join forces to present to the world just a single identity and thus shouldn’t be a one-sided job. Both parties are responsible for making it work and work to your taste and preference. When you said ‘I do’, it was a vow to help both live, laugh, love and improve. A strong bond of love, understanding and sacrifices is very hard even for a witch to have a go at, let alone a ‘sidechick’. Never break your communication for COMMUNICATION IS KEY in your marriage!

Both of you are responsible for making your marriage work, being careless and lackluster will ruin it! We’ve grown beyond the ‘adamic’ where men were the only ones providing for the family and women always in the kitchen, both should take up alternative roles so as to make your marriages a model one. If our grandfathers and mothers (without education) could live and love each other till death, then how much more we, the computer age generation. With all these education we still make unpardonable mistakes?? Was their love different from ours? Anyways, for those whose marriages are hanging on thin threads, both of you should sit down, thrust out issues and fix it for yourselves. For newly married couples, look out, the ‘sidechicks’ are coming. Strengthen the bond. Your marriage deserves better!

Side chicks will never cease to amaze you, but it behooves on you guys (couples) to amaze yourselves, leaving the side chick no room to think about a ‘Plan B’. Let’s help save our marriages from this conundrum….. We may not finish this, but let me zip my mouth.